Wherever you are, my love will find you

IMG_4124 (This letter was written shortly after God put the word 'adoption' on our hearts. I keep journals and write letters to each of our children. Here is one for our someday kiddo).

Dear child of mine,

If you could read this - can you even read yet? - you would probably think it strange that this stranger lady is calling you 'hers.' Hers, when she doesn't even know you yet. Hers, like there is some sort of implied relationship.

When I first became pregnant with Cora I decided to use my love of writing and keep a journal for her. So she could know what it was like, what I was thinking while I held her deep inside of me. My feelings while she swam inside an ocean with my heartbeat soundtrack. I did the same for Quinn and Vera.

For the first year of their lives I journaled to them once a month. Someday they can read about their milestones. Compare stories. Get some glimpse into the little moments when their tiny selves made big impressions on my heart. I'll keep writing to them for as long as they are mine.

So it only made sense that I would start this journal for you. That I would keep a journal for all of my babies, belly grown by me or by someone else. God has put a desire in my heart for you, and so while you may not yet be under my roof, you are already under my care. Covered by our prayers. Thought of daily and loved from afar.

I can't wait to meet you, wherever and whoever you are. I hope that there are little moments where the sunshine bursts a little brighter through your window; warms your face. Where the wind brushes back your hair; whispers in your ear. Moments when your dreams make you feel hugged - that's our love for you. It will find you.

I write to you now so that someday you know how long ago I loved you. How before you knew me, my heart was affected for you. Like knowing the number of hairs on your head, I don't need to knit you in my womb to know you're my baby child. Until we meet, and when we do, my heart beats this tatoo inside my chest - a love song from mother to child. Me to you.

Until Someday,

Mom