A Letter to Announce: Adoption
Actually, in the current situation, it might more appropriately be said 'To happen or not to happen.' The reality is that the things I'm talking about already are. They have probably already been brought into being. It's just a matter of whether or not they will be ours. What I'm trying to introduce in some clever form is adoption, and whether or not our family will participate. Scratch that. We will. We want to. Plan to. So what's the question?
It's a bit unreal that I'm even writing this blog post. That I'm making public our desire to adopt children makes it that much more real. Exciting. Terrifying. If I'm being completely honest, I worry that it's a dream that I won't see realized.
I do this thing when it comes to following Jesus... He puts things on my heart and I doubt my ability to get them/do them/be them. Then I question whether or not it's really the leading of the Holy Spirit or if I'm just trying to do just one more thing. First of all, come on Amanda, it's not by any ability of my own that anything should be accomplished for God. Through Him all good things come. I won't crumble the kingdom. Secondly, yes you are crazy and take on many things but thirdly, you need to trust Jesus.
So I'm moving forward in what my husband and I have both felt more and more lead to pursue: Adoption. Man, just seeing the word causes my heart to take a measured pause. It's weighty. Not the burdensome kind of weight, no. It's the same kind of weight that tired arms know after rocking a crying baby to sleep. Aching, worn, unexpected weight that you wouldn't set down even for an instant because it is the weight of love. This is something I've thought about for years. Taken with a trembling heart into the secret place, set before my Lord...my father who adopted me...And now we're talking about taking a dream and making it a do. My pulse quickens. My mind goes crazy with possibility. But most of all my heart swells heavy with love.
This is where I know it's Jesus moving our world to collide with that of a waiting child. I feel this deep rooted, beautiful, aching love for someone - some child - growing every day just as it does for my birth children. I have this overwhelming feeling that one of my children is out there somewhere. I long for them. And I love them.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
We know we'll likely seem crazy. But the very simple truth of following Jesus and trusting Him to inspire the desires of our hearts is this: life will always be crazy. Crazy with love. Crazy with abandon. Crazy to trust. Yet we do.
So there you have it. Our announcement so to speak. Or a pre-announcement of an announcement to come. Let's see where God takes us.