Dear Mother of My (someday) Child

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This was a difficult letter for me to write. So much so that I had to revisit it several times, each time more complicated than the last. Fragile is the bond that tethers mother to child, and I believe that even when we adopt our child will be connected to whom they came from. Regardless of the whys in adoption, it's a relationship to be respected. In the months and years to come there will, almost certainly, be more but here is the first of letters to the birth family of our future adopted child.  Dear mother of my someday child,

I don't yet know my future child and you very likely can no longer hear them call you 'mom'. I've spent so many moments lately consumed with thoughts of our someday child. The child we will adopt. I'm exhilarated and nervous and every sentiment in between. The other day a car passed me while I was driving to the coffee shop and it hit me that somewhere, at that very exact moment, my son or daughter existed. When I felt the first kicks of my birth babies in my tummy - the enormity and ungraspable yet simple truth of their existence overwhelmed me. This is the same. What is he or she doing? Are they passing me in a car? Are they sleeping? Reading? Eating? Looking out of a window?

Yesterday something else hit me. You exist, too.

I don't know and may never know your circumstances. I don't know who you are, where you grew up, what motivates you or makes you feel joy. But even without knowing a single thing about you, I will inherit the most intimate and personal thing that you have ever created. That hits me hard.

I think of this child as already under my care and I pray for him or her. I want you to know that now you're under my care, too. I'l pray for you for as long as your child is also mine.

The future is not mine to know but I can't help but imagine that someday we might attend the same graduation, wedding, or holiday. Our paths are forever crossed; indefinitely entwined. It's a strange but undisputed union, and I feel it my responsibility to wrestle with it - to honor you and the gift you may or may not have chosen to give.  I have decided within myself to disallow judgement and to always see you as God does: worthy of love, deserving of His affection, His child.

I'm sure it won't be easy but I believe in a God of reconciliation and I trust Him to bring it about beautifully.

- Amanda