To my Current Self


Hey you, I see you. By that I mean I see you. All of you: every inch. I see even those inside parts that you try to stash away like laundry under the bed when you haven't cleaned for unexpected guests.

I see the woman that you are striving to become, and dang girl, you're running hard. You heard God right all those seasons ago: Be Ready, he said, be ready on your knees, deep in Me and I in you. Know your capacity and watch me exceed it. Know your limits and let me free them. Be ready, and be wise, for saying yes to me and these travels will be a yolk more, not heavy: dense. Saturated.

You're doing a beautiful thing of this life. You don't always look in the mirror and see what I need you to see. In fact sometimes you can't bring yourself to the vanity for fear of vanity or worse. Disappointment. But you are what the spirit whispers holy to your heart: beautiful, capable, lovely and loved, intelligent, compassionate, faithful, loyal, honest, hard working, never enough on your own but more than enough in Him. I like you.

Hmm. Remember a time when you didn't like you? Look at how far He's won you. Won for you.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will shape the desires of your heart. Don't stop letting His love win. Fall into bed tired and wake up worn, but know that you're being sustained. Another day will come and remember years past: when what you're achieving now was unfathomable. The mountains you've climbed unscalable. His provision is perfect, and you will be surprised at what you're capable of.

Don't be afraid of the parts of you that aren't so pretty - the inside dialogue that still gossips, judges, doubts, and hides. But don't discharge them either. Remember to be humble, always, and aware of your shortcomings. Remember that girl in you whose desire was to liken herself to Christ, not just to be liked by those who like Christ.

Keep believing in your heart. Speak of yourself with words of who you want to be, not the person you don't. Your daughters are listening. Show them how to be women who believe in their potential over their missteps.

Finally, know that you're loved. You say it to everyone else, so say it to yourself.

- Amanda